Flavigula

Here lies Martes Flavigula, eternally beneath the splintered earth.


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Music
Composition
Mental models
Caffeine
Psychology
Sat, 03 Jul, 2021 14.44 UTC

My coffee consumption this morning has possibly not been healthy. I can feel the jittery roughness in my mind from over-caffeination. Yesterday was much the same, but from a combination of black tea throughout the day and a _shot_ of Michal's special cold brew coffee. Replacing one addictive substance for another doesn't seem very intelligent. In my case, that'd be replacing alcohol with caffeine. The concept reminds me of Christian and his nicotine gum. I shall limit myself to two _servings_ of caffeinated...

Psychology
Relationships
Displacement
Sat, 08 May, 2021 06.58 UTC

I got what I wanted, after all. And what was that? I got what I wanted - to be alone. And here I sit on the bed in James's guest room, alone with the eidolon who writes words into this online journal. He pops up from time to time, but not as frequently as I'd like. Of course, James is in the other room, so I am not as "alone" as I will be in less than a week when I move to my own flat, and if I really wanted to, I could walk over there and talk to him, but I don't think it'd quell my mental storm. Or perhap...

Music
Present
Legacy
Death
Nostalgia
Wed, 17 Mar, 2021 09.30 UTC

Concerning Roger Trigaux's death: Alas, one of my favourite composers has died. His music has been an assuaging and alarming factor in my life since 1998. During the latter years of the 90s, what some would call the _golden age of web pages_, both _Univers Zero_ and _Present_ had crude websites up detailing this and that about each band and dubious information about current events. These sites also hosted samples of the music itself. I don't recall actually listening to anything from the _Present_ at the t...

Culture
Society
Family
Bubbles
Gossip
Sat, 06 Mar, 2021 00.00 UTC

Lately, and possibly because I've been reading the book _Sapiens_, I've been musing over imagined social constructs and their different levels and interconnectedness. The books relates that all social constructs are birthed from human imagination. I've had this thought before, as well, and actually discussions with my long lost friend Jayson on the very topic. I'm unsure if we put it as succinctly as the book has, however. Congratulations to the author. In recent years, I have referred to the whole scumdugg...

Displacement
Change
Music
Future
Siralfrediv
Tue, 02 Mar, 2021 13.15 UTC

This morning, I mailed a box full of guitar pedals to James. Along with giving boxes and suitcases of things to Dani, it is one of the first tangible steps towards freedom from my current emotional stagnation. The impact on my local environs will be substantial. In fact, it already is. It keeps me awake. I've practised mental isolation enough that I can usually push the thoughts of how Marisa is going to feel aside, but I am still vulnerable, especially during times of food coma duress. Why _food coma dures...

Music
Creativity
Compromise
S
Mon, 01 Mar, 2021 00.00 UTC

I'm digitising a cassette that I recall nothing about. It's something Tony sent me ~20 years ago, possibly slightly less. The first piece is simply bass punctuations over a warbly synth. In fact, I like it. The stark minimalism is appealing. Funnily enough, were I to do this sort of thing, I believe it would get approval from the _crowd_. Not that I'm necessarily looking for approval, but I have found that the more minimalistic my output is, the more (at least immediate) positive feedback I get. This makes ...

Food
Distraction
Stagnation
Sun, 28 Feb, 2021 00.00 UTC

The final day of February finds me pining for escape. Food is a serious detriment to this goal, however. Lately I've noticed just how much consumption affects my daily moods. I was never cognizant of it before, or the effects were less or did not exist at all. Is this a question of age? I'd suspect so. It could also be a question of stasis. I've been in a sort of stasis since 2018. I'll date it to when I abandoned my music work with Mikel. I still agree with my decision to not work with him any longer, but ...

Observation
Mindfulness
Depression
Memory
Tue, 09 Feb, 2021 09.49 UTC

I've started a new _project_. One might ask what that _project_ is. One would get a reply immediately. At the end of each endless, torturous day I sit down with my trusty log-book and pen a few items that resonate most clearly in my mind from throughout the day. One can substitute _Fairphone_ for log-book and _virtual keypad_ for pen. Further, one can substitute _agonizingly brief and routine, but far from painful, unless one counts metaphorically_ for endless, torturous. Paying attention to my surrounding...

Music
Production
Recording
Perception
Wed, 03 Feb, 2021 14.41 UTC

I enjoyed thoroughly one of my favourite pieces of music last night. _Soubresauts_ by Univers Zero from the fantastic album _Clivages_. I invited my friend to listen, as well. His opinion of the piece differed drastically from my own. Initially he queried if it was made in a DAW. He seemed shocked that it was a band. He said the recorded suffered from sounding like _banging on cardboard boxes_ and called one part _American_, pathetic like _80s or 90s rock fusion_. Now, I respect his opinion greatly, but I'v...

Peasantry
Routine
Creativity
Mundanity
Music
Thu, 28 Jan, 2021 09.48 UTC

The manifestation of peasantry comes in many forms. It is impossible to avoid completely. It's the tacit acceptance of the same five or six meals one dubs _favourites_. It's the same radio station every day on the way to and from work. It's watching the same several of genres of TV shows every evening before sleep. It is closely related to comfort. In a way, being a peasant is conforming to comfort or, better, conforming to a comforting routine. Reticence to breaking out of so-called _comfort zones_ is what...

Death
Memory
Relationships
Mon, 25 Jan, 2021 10.43 UTC

My father phoned yesterday to inform me that my cousin, Amy, had perished in her sleep the previous night. Having stated that, I shall go make tea. I have returned. I walked to the kitchen, found the water in the kettle not yet to the point of boiling, so I did not linger. Soon, I shall check it again and achieve my momentary goal of beginning the process of creating tea. So, my father phoned yesterday to inform me that my cousin, Amy, had departed the _entorno_ of the living the previous night. Before I...

Along with martens, goulish goats and the rippling fen -
these writings 1993-2021 by Bob Murry Shelton are licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

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